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Having a new sibling is a monumental change in a child's life. Until the new baby arrives, the first child has reigned supreme in every corner of the house, basking in our undivided attention. However, after the baby's arrival, it's common for the first child to feel isolated and possessive about their belongings. It's crucial to prioritize their emotional growth during this transition, understanding that their feelings are just as important as the new baby's needs.

First child and emotional growth

We can prepare the child before the baby's arrival, but the actual scenario may change after the arrival, especially if the firstborn is also at an early age. They go through so many emotional developments during the early stage, and accepting the new baby is one of them. It is also a new phase for parents, and we tend to lose our patience without our knowledge. But, as parents, we can shape our child's emotional growth. We need to be extra cautious in our words and actions to guide our child through this transition.

Our first child may face many instances in their daily routine due to the sibling relationship, leading to potential conflicts. In these situations, it's crucial to consider our words and communicate effectively with our first child. While their love for the new baby may be wholehearted and unconditional, our first child also requires significant emotional support, which we can provide through our words and actions.

Things to avoid saying to the first child

1. You are the big brother/sister, and you are responsible for your sibling.

Asking the child to take the whole responsibility of sharing and caring from day 1 is hard. If we convey such words as, If anything happens to your little brother/sister, mom/dad will be mad at you. Yes, older ones can care for their younger sibling, but it is beyond our expectation for them to be responsible for everything the little one does. They are little kids, and it is tough for them to stay with the baby and take care of them all the time. They may lose their temper if the second one tries to grab the first kid's items. They are still learning to be responsible, which may take some time. And this is applicable throughout their life. It is not the role of the first child to be more accountable all the time. There are chances that the first child may pinch, hit, throw the baby in bed from their lap, or hit them suddenly. If you happen to experience this, please don't hit or shout at the first child and react harshly all the time. I understand this is dangerous but gently handling the situation, helps the child to change instead of taking the harsh handling. 

2. He is your little brother, and you have to share your toys with him right now

Please avoid saying he/she is your little brother/sister, and you must share your toys with him/her right now. It is not a reasonable expectation for any parent because that little kid has entered a new sibling world, and the first one is still learning the sharing process. Till yesterday, it was their toy, and now a new person is here, and they need time to adapt. Please never force them to share their toys whenever the second one wants it.Let them get used to the new environment and learn the art of sharing at their own pace. 

3. Your friends do not have a sibling, but you have one

We must avoid such conversations as they may convey the same to their friends, damaging a beautiful relationship with them. Even our kid may bully their friend with this sentence. This is sometimes a very common dialogue, which any parent can use when my elder one hates sharing, doesn't take care of the second one, etc. Please avoid such things as it is not a healthy one in a relationship. 

4. If you fight with him the next time, I'll give him/her away to somebody.

Statements like 'If you fight with your sibling the next time, I will give them away to somebody'. This can have serious emotional repercussions for the child. It's important to remember that the child's non-sharing or fighting behavior doesn't reflect their love for their sibling. These behaviors are part of their learning process, and it's crucial to support them through it. They may fight throughout the day but can't let go of their sibling with anyone. 

5. I Am going to take the baby with me

This is not for us but for our guests. Please never say this statement to the first child. Guests may convey it in a playful and funny note but the emotional damage it creates inside the first child is enormous. If you plan to visit someone's house or if someone is visiting your place, please avoid this routine sentence. It's not fun anymore. 


Siblings' fight is not the reflection of their affection or love. It is a simple possessiveness that changes over time. We can make the child understand everything more positively than any such challenging and emotional approach. A positive approach helps the child to understand everything clearly. Their love is unconditional towards their sibling; they can't show it all the time as they are also humans like us, Little humans, more precisely. Please be mindful of words and actions with the elder one. 

Do you have multiple kids or you have siblings? Please share your experience below. 

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